Interesting...
First off, the VST guitars are simply terrible. Granted, it is hard to get a decent sound out of them period. But you could really do better than this I think.
As for the song, it seems to be pretty accurate. Although rather butchered by the instruments you used. Get rid of the VST guitars and find something more appropriate. Because it totally ruins it.
And were those chords being played in the bass? Really dude, not good at all. lol It makes the sound muddy and not nice. You should add a piano to play the chords, then just have a simple harmony line in the bass. Have it do it's own thing.
Your mix is kinda iffy as well. Way too much high end on this. The bass needs to be more continuous throughout the song to give it balance. As it is right now, the song is simply top heavy. Cut the volume on the cymbals to about half. That should help a ton.
Plus it seems like you didn't use any real plug-ins in this song. I don't hear any reverb on anything in this song. And this song really should have reverb on the melody lines. And possibly on other instruments if it is appropriate. Compression on the drums would be nice. Because you can't hear anything but cymbals. A kick and snare being present would really help a lot.
Other than the melody being right, this simply is bad. The instruments were bad choices, such as VST guitars. You used instruments improperly, like playing chords in the bass. That is really just dumb. And vertically there is no real mesh between the instruments. They don't meld together at all. They seem to be fighting for attention, rather than working together to create an overall sound.
1/5 and 1/10 overall, mainly because you got the melody right at least. But really, how hard is that to do? Not very hard at all.
Best of luck on future projects man.
-Gravey-